hide and seek

i actually was thinking of using only

"ransom notes keep falling out your mouth
mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cutouts
speak no feeling no i dont belive you.
you dont care a bit, you dont care a bit"

to talk to myself. like, if i were my friend, would i see through myself.
and tell myself this. it's so hard to tell apart real and fake in this world now.

then i googled the lyrics to ensure accuracy, then decided to go for the meaning, since the whole song is a blur.

the song.. is so much. it feels so real. and it is. it's so full of sorrow and hurt, and it's real.

hide and seek, imogen heap. meaning in blue

where are we?
what the hell is going on?
dust has only just begun to fall,

(a big fight recently happened between wife and husband
and the dust is just settling and she has no idea of whats coming next)

crop circles in the carpet
sinking, feeling...
spin me around again and rub my eyes
this can't be happening...

(she just came home and the devastating realization hits so very hard;
some furniture is gone [carpet crop circles],
and unable to accept being left,
the world is falling apart)

when busy streets amess with people
would stop to hold their heads heavy

(if the whole world felt what she felt, this is what it might look like.
everything, everybody stops to hold their heads heavy because, nothing else matters.
it looks as if all that is precious is lost and things will never be the same again)

hide and seek

(the "game" of finding love, seeking and hoping to find it)

trains and sewing machines

(the trains of a wedding dress and the work it takes to make the dress and as well, a marriage)

all those years, they were here first..

(the breakup is happening, but our marriage, our time together happened too.
it was here first before the other, and it was real and it meant something.)

oily marks appear on walls
where pleasure moments hung before

(the place where pictures and happy memories hung before, but no longer. the absence of the pictures are as painful as if they were still hung... the poor womans life is now a sad and lonely void)

the takeover, the sweeping insensitivity of this still life.

(the takeover meaning being pushed aside by the other
the harsh cold and gray of loneliness after having known love and the loss of it.)

hide and seek
trains and sewing machines
you won't catch me around here

(i'll not play the "game" of finding love
i will never marry again)

blood and tears.... they were here first

(the past experience was so brutally painful and damaging
[can't forget, can't heal])

mmm, what'd you say,
mmm, that you only meant well?
well of course you did

(meant well? doesn't meaning well mean trying to fix it. we vowed to each other for better or worse. this is not fixing it)

mmm, what'd you say,
mmm, that it's all for the best
of course it is

(for the best? you're just going to throw it all away?)


mmm, what'd you say,
mmm, that it's just what we need
you decided this

(you decided this. we didn't talk and discuss. you did)

mmm, what'd you say,
mmm, what did she say?

(the third party... the reason all this happened)

ransom notes keep falling out your mouth

(love being held hostage, dangled in front with hollow words and no
intention of trying to go back to what we had)

mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut-outs
speak no feeling, no i don't believe you
you don't care a bit, you don't care a bit

(saying things, words you know i want to hear but no feeling in them
i know you don't care anymore. i don't believe you)

//edited.

jason derulo's song has part of this. not saying anything, but it totally has a different meaning.
i liked that song. but ugh he's a lying cheating ass who wants her to take him back =.=

***

i've been reading 3 books these past days, chick lits. guess what, of course about love.
made me want to get married and fall in love and believe in true love.
for like, 3 days.

it's better to have loved and lost than to not have loved at all.

it may be true, falling in love may be a wonderful experience. i wouldn't know. but there's a catch to the "falling" part.
it's like the enjoyment of digging a freaking grave.

who said it's better to have loved and lost, i wished that i have never loved at all.

-up against the wall, boys like girls.

this is the feeling you get when you hit the ground. you wish.


sorry not worth it.