gravical (II)

the morning did not start off well, i was so sooo scared i'd be late, even though i left the house half hour than i would usually have.
i was so happy when i reached "late" but in time! not on time, but at least in time.

but it was bad, the nerves. so much worse than thursday's.
thursday's i only felt it 5 mins before our turn, but today's..
all the way. since i alighted the bus.
it was so bad, i couldn't tell the difference between the hurt from a stomachache/cramp and the hurt from anxiety.

but once i started it was fine.
i'm okay with my performance actually.
even my.. hop and false start.
so. it meant. two attempts. for 0 moves. which really affected me quite badly.
i guess i deserved it, but i really accept it as it is and it really really taught me a lesson, cause in school there isn't much chance for a false start or a hop, starting moves in school are so.. typical.
sour as i am, i'm kind of.. *insert some positive connotation thingy here* that it happened during a competition, to teach me a real lesson.
sighs...

and lynnette! ah! i'm again, so happy i was one of the first, and she was the last to go, cause i can see her climb! learn learn learn. (: awesomez.


the end of my first competition, my last time in novice finals. sighs.
philip said that he didn't care how we did cause he was already proud of us all, it's so so sweet!
and he didn't mean the finalists, he meant every single one of us who participated.
we are what make up TJCCC, all of us together.
it's not, oh, i'm proud of the finalists, oh by the way, good luck to you too, no.
all. of. us.


sorry i'm such a sensitive person, i guess i deserve it and am being whiny, but i shall whine anyways, cause this is elmo's world.
everyone knows elmos whine.
i was really upset, for you, with you, whatever. i was upset, period. i thought you might be too, and i gave you a hug.
yet you pushed me away and snapped at me, "don't touch me"
it hurt so much.
i bit my lip and said, "all right", i so wanted to walk away, but i stayed on to watch lynnette, cause i will not let you see how much it was affected me. i will show you that, fine, i won't touch you, i won't care, i'll stay on to watch cause i. don't. care. about. you.
as you were leaving, r knew you were still very upset, so she asked if she could give you a hug, and you did.
i know i really should understand how you felt then, but the hurt was still there, so i walked away and waited for r.
i'm sorry for hugging you, not understanding that when you're upset, you don't like concern.
i'm sorry i imposed my thoughts on you.
a little bit competitive, are we now?

jac's sanuk's sandals.
jac i could kill you for those, you know?
but i won't cause you're such a dear to help us take our stuff.
grats jacintha, as the guy said, now you and rah have 2 pairs of similar shoes!
(bd prez and sanuks!)