it's all in the mind

on saturday, during the mock comp.

something was going on, and i was next to the person, Q, who was supposed to observe, but didn't, i think. supposed to observe each time that thing happens.
so i was about to tell Q what happened when that something stopped. there was a brief pause, and then it started again. i opened my mouth to tell Q, when Q noted it down (as the thing continued a second time).

so i thought, all right, Q knows about the first time.
then the thing that was going on stopped again.
Q didn't note it down, then i realized.
oh.
Q didn't actually see the happening the first time round.
the note was a prediction of what would happen the second time round.

this shouldn't make sense to anyone, it really shouldn't, and i hope it doesn't either.

it affected me quite a bit, and i was just thinking if it's Q being judgemental.
i was tempted to do the same, though.
but i didn't.
but that doesn't make an angel, hahaha no. cause even though i didn't do it, i thought about it.
and the fact that i got upset over this actually means that, what, i'm judging Q?
by what Q does?

i'm kinda over it already.
we're all the same, me and Q.
thinking about it and
thinking about and doing it,
there isn't really much difference.
it's not like it affects anyone. it didn't.

this is such a confusing post.
if i was reading this, i'd curse myself. why write in codes for people to decipher?
well, hahahahaa.