the things i'd like to say to some

before i proceed, please note that this is not privated because if you read this, i'd like to keep you curious. i always experience extreme curiosity where people make me blue-ball curious and leave me hanging.
so, this definitely won't la, but it's fun to me and all one of you reading this.
another note, don't read it cause it's not going to be nice.
no really i'm not trying to interest you. i'm serious.

________________

i wish i hadn't been so childish back then. but i was still a child then.

you told me your mum once said that "you'll find your life's true friends in uni", but i replied, "no we'll be bffs"

and then.
i can't believe i was so immature, but what's done is done.

haven't learnt much from it though.

to you too, i always wanted to apologise for that time. but whatever. i feel that i always had stiff competition with you. our results esp were so damn similar! 

can you imagine the stupid sense of achievement i felt when i did better HAHAHA okay so bad but well, we weren't friends at that time anymore (childish yeah) so it was all right.

i'm sorry that things turned out this way, and that we drifted.

but i no longer know you, cause people change.

did i change for the worse? i don't know.

i don't know why things had to be this way.

grow up a little?

or should i just learn that i can't have everything my way?

it's for the best, i guess.

at least it isn't awkward.

some shit role model you are.

hope you're having a swell time adding burden after burden. 

i'm sorry for the way i treat you sometimes, but i learnt it from you after all.

not the shitty role model part, but the bad treatment part.

why didn't you tell me?

things may just have been different now.

why don't you get that you are so annoying?!

seriously, "hate" is a strong word. i don't know many people who feel such "passion" toward teachers.

if a teacher scolds you for, idk, something you did wrong, you "hate" her? 

get. over. it.

geez.

does my silence for two years mean anything to you?

you kinda shaped my social awkwardness, ugh. 

competition is everything to you huh, puh-lease. grow up and learn to accept the way things are, not "why half mark also cannot give".

this was so long ago and i hope i'm wrong about you now, but some memories just can't be erased.

what am i to you?

and what am i to you too?

if you claim something but do something other, what do you want me to believe?

i don't know if you notice, but i get affected when you do it. 

and i don't mean it in a positive way.

i know your thoughts on some issues, and i know you lied.

what i didn't know is that you are this petty.

i....... am sorry hahah i feel very bad to you cause i like you a lot but at the same time i envy you too. 

everything la, basically. i mean... whatever la. but sometimes i do wonder, yet again, what am i to you.

i like your mindset, and i wish i were that mature. 

but i like being the way i am, and i'm not sure how really, to grow up.

why? really i never questioned you for what you did so long ago.

was our friendship made up in my mind?

so that you could laugh at me?

i bear grudges, that's a weakness.

but i bear grudges... because something has been done to me.

that was my first and last _.

it was such a small matter, which i blew up in my mind. but again, i'm immature. and i'm not likely to forget it anytime soon.

HELLO argh the thought of you cracks me up.

50 years old! heeheeeheeeeehee so happy to have a friend like you. i wish we were closer though, and we could talk like more personal stuff.

am i too guarded or something?

whatever. you're (one of / close to) the best. lessthan3!

i wish we could be better friends.

do you remember the times we had?

HAHAHAHA good times wasn't it?

actually i now only remember one. 

but it was fun while it lasted! 

you know you're better than that, and you not willing to move on only further justifies this.

i don't know you, but from what we all see, you deserve better.

i can't understand choices people make, but i'm sure you're in a tough spot. 

i just wish you all the best for your bright future and that things will get better.

i hope i won't forget what you said, cause it impacted me that time. 

useful advice, ah finally. someone's talking sense.

being big doesn't mean you know everything, s.

concentrate on giving people shit and stop acting smart.

i miss you! but it's so awkward when we hang out. and we haven't done that for so long!

we're so different, but aww lessthan3! hahaa and considering the fact that we were once so close, i still can't tell if you're straight or not.

hahah hello! you're so cute and your sisters are so cute and your mum is so cute and i can't believe you hardly changed!

still SO CUTE argh.

i think we have like, nothing in common but because you're so different, you're special.

nothing fake, nothing influenced by the outside world, bluntness, and everything.

SO CUTE HAHAHA can't stop emphasizing.

how did your sisters grow up so fast!

stop being such a whiny brat and start taking people's feelings into consideration.

the world doesn't revolve around you, brat.

i do. that probably made me wise up and change.

it's your damn turn.

i don't know... it wasn't very responsible of you, was it?

but it's not like you had a choice. i'm happy for you, but it's hard to be when i'm not even sure if you are. it's too far fetched to even imagine.

you had so much responsibilities to fulfil, you left them all here, for _.

it wasn't easy to pick the pieces up and continue.

but, as mentioned, i'm glad you left anyway. i'm happy for you.

thanks for all the good times, the bad times, and everything. 

the one and only i could ever ask for.

i just wish......

you're a nice person, but it takes two to stay in contact.

ask me why i took a year to contact you? well you could have done the same hmm?

and when i did, meh, so damn friendly right.

of course i backed off la, betcha gonna question why i stopped talking to you altogether?

sorry it's my damn fault.

thanks both of you for making my life so much better. hearts haven't seen you two in so long, except since the last time. i miss our time spent together so much, talking about every shit except personal things. hahaha.

let's be friends(:

_________________________

if you read all the way through, congratulations HAHAA why did you do that.

you can probably tell that i have quite a bit of unhappy things to say, and that i'm like DESPERATE for friends hahahaha.

oh well.

if you think one of em is you, let's hope there's a happy one up there and you think it's you.

but it's mostly unhappy cause OBVIOUSLY all the good things i tell to their faces la! walao. 
it may or not be you (if i know you) cause it's pent up thoughts from very long ago.
i'll just say the oldest one is from 9 - 10 years ago. 
the newest one is.. today. or yesterday.

p/s. it took me more than an hour to write this post and while editing my spelling mistakes, seriously hate this keyboard, it highlighted idk how many paragraphs and deleted it. idk who and how many HAHA whatever.