I guess another reason why I'm so upset is also because I feel like mum doesn't love me as much. I feel she tolerance and defence of the worst child is unreciprocated by him and he is so undeserving. Yet she still bears it and stops me from speaking bad about him, even behind his back.
She once said this to me before a few years ago I still remember cause I felt it - "you're not as good as you think you are". I try to be the good child, you know, come home, do the dishes a bit. Get her birthday and christmas presents. Listen to her. Talk to her. Ask after her. Things my brothers don't do. I'm not trying to "outdo" them or anything, Try sometimes to do the brothers' part of fillial piety- when they are asked to / ought to do something and didn't, I do it sometimes.
Now I don't want to come home despite still wanting to treat her well because of how intolerant I am of the treatment she receives from the youngest. And also of course, cause sometimes I feel less loved than him.
She's so patient, so kind, and I don't get how the young one can go on being this way living in his selfish little world. His youth is not an excuse. I never called my parents "stupid" in primary school or insulted them. His lack of discipline may have come from the absence of the traditional authoritarian figure in his life, but can't he see then, she's trying so hard? She has to play a full-time mother, father, yet still work for like, our lives. And tutor him while he watches tv and still does badly in school.
Argh I can't even write properly now he's insulting me and mum