'it'

the difference between d in her early twenties and d in her late twenties is that early d wanted to do it and could do it. late d want to do it but can't do it. which is objectively good, since 'it' is not a good thing. but late d now has no way to otherwise .. let go. so it all just stays inside, and build, build, and build. 

i think one day she'll burst and die. when she finally gets enough courage, she'll let all the pent up little 'it's out at once. 

now, that will be a bad thing. 

i hope she doesn't.