i found a story!

i found this story somewhere.

the mother is the writer.

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i myself have once been into tattoos, i thought it was a significant thing to have on my body, to commemorate events or even a memory that i once did something on whim. don't want to forget the important people in my life.

or sometimes, maybe sometimes, when i get upset, the pain distracts me. instead of thinking, i marvel at the work.

i've thenceforth stopped it. i mean, im a mother. i've matured.
i have been afraid of letting my son find out that his mother had once been a tattoo maniac, but i figured that he, as my son, deserved to know. instead of letting him find out by himself, which would make it hurtful, i told him.
i was scared he would be disgusted, but he wasn't. he just told me not to worry and that he would not do it ever. i was relieved as i knew then, he was a sensible boy.

he became more and more upset lately, due to stress of certain matters. we have a somewhat closer than usual mother and son relationship, so i do know what's going on sometimes.
but weeks into it, i found a template of what looked like a tattoo.
i was in his room packing up, and picked up a piece of drawing, which had symbolic meanings behind it. i was staring at it when his phone lit up and vibrated.
part of the message that appeared was "hey, serious about inking? wh..."
and i couldn't see the rest. i was in the room holding on to the paper when he caught me staring blankly into space.

he fell into a chair, buried his heads in his hands and told me that yes he was planning to ink himself. his friends told him of self mutilation, and he heard of how the physical pain will distract you from the emotional pain.

it was a long night, with our relationship getting sour as we fought and argued about everything. where was the sensible son that i once knew? can i trust him not to do it later? can i trust his words anymore?
i left him in his room crying, i felt so guilty, but i couldn't take it anymore.
yes it was selfish, but don't i deserve to have my own views on this?

the next morning he made breakfast for me, something he rarely does. he included a note which i read when he left for school.
he apologized and told me that he would never do it, ever, and hoped that i would believe him because he was really sincere about it.

how could i not trust him again? he was my only child, i have trusted him since he was formed, and i knew that that stupid decision was made by foolishness ruling his mind.
in almost an instant, i forgave. but he had left for school, so i had to wait till he was home to talk to him.

yet.

he came home with a tattoo.

it wasn't visible, i didn't notice it, but he came home crying and apologizing. or not.
he told me the reasons behind it, that he already made up his mind not to do it.
it was a moment of impulse.
this moment of impulse will leave a scar there forever, on you, your heart, and mine.

what happened to the apology? the sorry, the promise never to do it?
i told you last night i couldn't trust you anymore. i thought you were an adult. then this morning i regained my trust in you, i believed you yet again.
and you smashed it, just like that.

im sorry for interfering in your private life, i know i really shouldn't do this, but i have spoken to your friends. im sorry.
i really hope that i will still trust in you.
i'm sorry for anything that i've done that may have lead you to do it.
i will someday learn to appreciate your tattoo, and reflect that i cannot actually be a hypocrite and ask you not to do what i've already done.

it's just like expecting a smoker's son not to smoke, telling him of all the harmful effects.
i'm sorry.
-----------------------

i feel sad for both parties.
like, aww, poor mother. her son has done something not nice, and he hurt her like this.

but if you look at it from the son's perspective, what do you see?

you don't see the problems he faced, the magnitude of it.
you don't know how much he has been hurting.
his mother found out about his troubles, but she couldn't do anything to alleviate them.
i fact, she was selfish and walked out on them.
he was the one who apologised.

okay i'm torn, no sides to take.

im happy today! hahahaaaa sorry climbers for disturbing your sleep in the morning when i was so cheerful.
im so good at making myself happy i don't see why i shouldn't just open a happiness shop and sell my excess happiness. hahha!

ooohhhh homework!
hahaha anyways, jo, you really melt my heart when you ask questions like that!
but it's nothing wrong.
but melt heart!

//edited.

adding to this post cause im already posting every day and sometimes more than once a day.
im like the most enthu diary writer ever.
ANWAYS HAPPY NOW!
JUST GOT RELEASED FROM MY NON-EXISTENT TERM OF WORK!
HAHAHAHA MEAN TIME! TIME TO STUDY! HAPPY!

IM SORRY IM SO EXCITED I CAN'T NOT USE CAPITAL LETTERS AND EXCLAMATION MARKS!

OKAY HAPPY GIRL SAYING BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!