pride and prejudice

i really dislike disrespectful kids, even though i am at times.
louis.
but this is a little over, shouting at her like every day.
hello, she carried you for nine months and raised you and try so hard to tutor you and help you with your studies, yet you treat her like what, your personal whatever.
this is not the way to treat your mother, you;ll regret it so much one day.
so. so. much. it cannot be expressed in words.
when you grow up you'll understand.

it's boulderactive today, intermediate women's first.
no pressure, no expectations.
from others, that is.
everyone will have self-expectations i suppose, but not high ones.
i didn't feel very nervous, and the routes were really interesting and fun.
i really enjoyed the climbs / trying to climb [haha route 4] and feel damn privileged to be there with those pros.
it's an experience to remember, the height to fall from, 4.8m, and the way the routes were, with those volumes and bridging and inclined walls.

the first route was not very friendly to everyone, cause when we caught this tile on the volume, the edge would cut our wrists as we swung, unless you're damn pro and can just reach for it. using hook or something.
i went home and told ma, "eh ma i veh disappointed with myself, so i cut myself, see?"
mistake, mistake. ma doesn't get jokes.
she gave me this frown, "aiyah why you do this kind of things, don't cut yourself can?"
along those lines, i can't remember.
so nervous, i could only say, "no no no no kidding kidding......"

dang the uneven mats and gaps between, val fell at the first wall and sprained her ankle.
thank goooodness it wasn't high.
philip said, what, eight people had injuries so far?
lala injured herself too, oh gosh oh gosh guys please don't let anything happen to you tmr.

novice was interesting, i guess i should just remember to rest.
i did 3 routes when i saw the clock and like "15:__", then like, oh no damn pumped! i need to rest!
when i went on my fifth route i fell early, calvin was like "kristal what happened?):"
haha <3>bitch judges are not worth our emotions.
freaking angry oh gosh.

j1s were damn ass sweet to come down after school to see us! i mean, okay they might have been training, but still, haha.
was damn lovely seeing you guys. and camwhoring. and unleashing the ahem of tjccc. ahem ahem.

.

i think there is a difference between trying to do your best and doing your best.
you really want to give it your all, but you can't, somehow, and it sucks that way.
doing your best, is when you're in that state of mind when you want to try to achieve, and you can.

what gives results is doing your best, but does it mean the effort when you try your best is not recognised?
maybe, sometimes, can't deny it.
it's really hard, for you to know that you really want, with all your heart and soul, to achieve it, but you can't. others don't know it, cause the wanting and trying is more mental than physical.
you know you have tried to do your best right, does that not matter at all?
you feel that you have let others down.

i'm sorry i can't say anything of any use now, but i really hope you get over it soon.
would you rather not have done it at all?
it's your last, it may not be your best, but it's your final. the last and only.
enjoy it with him, results are not all that matters.
maybe to you, maybe to him, maybe to coaches, but that's just so superficial.
i'm sorry if results is to you, and fact it everyone is results-oriented too, just to what extent, but i'm just saying what i think.
"last time, make it count"
make the experience count.
it may not be good, but it's an experience.
i have just said a lot of bs, i don't have the intention of cheering you up, but i really hope you do.
good game.